I am trying to adjust my parenting skills and techniques as my kids learn and grow and as I learn. I think this will be a lifelong process as we continue to learn and grow. I have read some books recently that have got me thinking (The Essential Guide to Raising a Son and Anti-Cancer, A new way of life). Recent (unsucessful) parenting has really got me thinking. Plus, I think its a wake up call when suddenly you have a kindgartner.
I'm only going to write about one aspect of my parent changing techniques tonight. My kids are growing- thankfully- and I'm realizing that more than any other thing that I need to do to raise quality people is to help them be indepent people. Afterall, isn't this one of our goals of parenting? To take this beautiful, wonderful newborn child to teach him to be an indepentent person? Sounds basic, right? I've realized that its time for me to "let go" a little bit and let my boys be a little more independent before I cripple them. Today, David poured his own cereal and milk. Little things, I am trying to let them do, but meaningful. I have also started a job chart. Today they washed windows, yesterday, they cleaned the bathroom. How can I expect them to be respectful of the home without participating? How can they develop into responsible people without responsiblities? These are all things I've come to learn. Plus, doing jobs promotes team work, keeps them out of trouble and keeps me from being their maid.
I went to a park/playground today and then later to the waterpark. (These were rewards for them doing so well with their job chart, plus they need exercise.) Two incidents happened that made me think "What are we doing?" As I mentioned before, I am trying to let my kids be independent. When they were smaller, I was a parent that wandered around the playground, right there with my kids. I was weary of other people I didn't know and other kids. I was paranoid of my kids getting too far away from me and not being able to round 'em all up. Then one day it occured to me "I'm at the playground, where are they going to go?" (Plus, they started obeying me better, too.) "What are the chances of them really getting hurt if they are out of my reach?" (I learned this a year ago at Johnstone Park when David slipped through my hands and got a bloody nose: sometimes they get hurt when you are right there.) Even thought playing with my kids is fun and they enjoy it, maybe its time for me to back off a little and let them be independent.
Incident 1 today at the playground: A dad brings his 3 year old son to go play. They seem like they are having fun and they boy starts running over to the other play structure and the dady calls out "Don't run." I'm kinda shocked and almost said "Hello, we are at the PARK! Let your kid run!" Seriously, what are we doing to our kids? People, let your kids run! Especially at the park. I dont even think the dad realized it. I think we just get so used to keeping our kids right by us, that we get paronoid in public of them being more than 3 steps away.
Incident 2 today at the splash park: A mom brings her toddler to the splash park. Cute little girl, too. Ever time the child took one foot away from the water, literally, she would call her back over to the water from her bench. I'm like "Let her explore". Even when the child went over the park benches (2 feet away). I think we are in a paroniod society and I have been guilty of it, too, and am trying to change. So, back to the other mom, everytime the child stepped away, she threatened to take the child home. What do we think is going to happen? I've started bring a book with me. This way, my kids have adaquet amount of time to play and I can have my deperatly needed alone time.
I am far, far, far from perfect, but I am learning. I am trying. My desire is to raise these kids into quality, kind, independent and healthy people. Kids that love each other and love Heavenly Father and other people.
